last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
