ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
