i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
