I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
