i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
