idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
