I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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