He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
