Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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