Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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