I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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