matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
