Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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