my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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