OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
