I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
