Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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