Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
