Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
