My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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