I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
