So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
