Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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