So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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