why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
