if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
