I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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