No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
