I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
