My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
