I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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