I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
