It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
