I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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