It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
