I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
