there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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