Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
