Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
