Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
