I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
