Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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