We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
