my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
