she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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