Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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