the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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