At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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