I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
