you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
