I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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