...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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