So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
