I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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