i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
