Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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