My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
