Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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